Thursday, December 8, 2011

a 'free write' and an apology

I'm sorry for this roller coaster I have been stuck on. With finals and my dreams being what they are.. I'm just not able to handle it right now. I'm being so stupid. Those notes on my car: they are nothing. Just friends playing a prank on me. They know that when I am stressed I tend to rationalize everything with the supernatural  (as stupid as that sounds, I have to admit it is true).

Update type thing?
I was really sick all day yesterday. Slept away most of the day and wish that I had been able to stay awake.  These dreams I have been having make no sense. I understand that dreams have this quality. These dreams just seem to be more than- nevermind. I am making no sense. None of this is real.

More ranting or something like that?
Anything I thought I saw in the dark never happened? The shapes that made the image of HIM were just parts of the dark room that my mind made sense of in the only way I thought to. I cannot believe the things my mind projects onto my environment when I have watched/read too many horror movies&shows/books&stories. I must not believe all that I see. Senses will fail you when you need them most..
Nothing is happening to me. Nothing will happen to me. I am perfectly fine. I am spilling my feelings to people who know nothing of who I am.. Maybe my next post should be an 'about me'. I should have started with that. I am so stupid. Goodbye my friends..
For now I am going to, rather, attempt to sleep. These nightmares WILL not torment me anymore. I will not let them. I am the master of myself. The voice inside that doubts me will back down and subside to nothingness. I just want to turn the lights on..


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