Thursday, December 29, 2011

I've gotten better. Things are going just fine.
I see no need to continue to blog about the nothingness that surrounds me, rather, that surrounds us all.
Maybe I will keep this. Maybe I won't.
Whatever comes of any of this cryptic bullshit is just that: bullshit.
My time has come. I must go.
Goodbye and good luck to all of you, I mean it.
Stay safe. Stay sane.
And above all:

That'sWhatSheWantedToSay. NeverDidFinishTheDamnEntry. Pity. It'sTooLateNow? NotReally,She'llBeBackSoon. ButWillSheStillBeTheSame?

Monday, December 19, 2011

I've been pretty sick lately. Sorry for not updating.
The dreams are back and they are a lot worse, sometimes I can't tell if I am sleeping or not. wereyoudreaming? Idon'tthinkso.
     In one of those dreams I was walking in the park. I threw up blood and there was laughing. I ran away from something--I just can't remember what. But I do remember that it was familiar and it scared me more than anything else. I know that these are just dreams, but it's starting to take a toll on me when I wake up with my heart pounding so hard my whole body shakes.
    And then I went and got sick. It sucks because I have not been able to do anything. Finally got around to checking e-mail and the blog and such. Someone e-mailed me about the small red text on here... I looked through and don't see any red text. So, good prank?

I'll try to get online more often. I hope I get better soon.

Hope you all stay safe and well this holiday season. =]

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

about me

I am not sure exactly what to put here..

I'm 20 (rather, soon to be) and have no writing skills whatsoever. (I'm so sorry)
I am an anime lover. And recently came across an awesome online interactive comic type-epic-adventure thing.
I love music. In fact right now I am listening to a fun assortment of tunes. (I can't decide- scissor sisters; NHB- Ice Cream Truck; Turn Me On - Nicky Minaj; and some others.)
My favorite color.. I have a few actually: blue, purple, red, lime green, and black. I can't just pick one. 
I like watching Castle, Red vs Blue, White Collar, the Big Bang Theory, Bleach, Rurouni Kenshin, and some other stuff like that. 
I really have no idea what someone would want to know about me, so feel free to ask. I'll answer or something..


Saturday, December 10, 2011


After the things that happened today and watching those videos-
I'm not scared or anything. youshouldbe..
I am still sure that it is one of my friends, but why would they do any of this and how could they manage it?

There were somethings that I cannot explain. My voice was all static, that strange guy, and.. I threw up blood. Not much, but still.

All I am saying is that I think I just need a few days to figure things out. Get my head back from wherever the hell it was today. I need to have a clear head for my final exams that start Monday.  I'll write something on here after my last exam (unless something comes up before then).


I'll leave you with a picture of what I found on my car tonight. (ARE YOU SAFE?)

another update video thing

(video removed)

This was shot yesterday.
Friends and their shenanigans.


another video

(video removed)
Shot that the day after the first one. I sound so freaking stupid (like always).

I still have to figure out who put that note there. Anyway..

Pay no attention to the idiot behind the camera..please.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

a 'free write' and an apology

I'm sorry for this roller coaster I have been stuck on. With finals and my dreams being what they are.. I'm just not able to handle it right now. I'm being so stupid. Those notes on my car: they are nothing. Just friends playing a prank on me. They know that when I am stressed I tend to rationalize everything with the supernatural  (as stupid as that sounds, I have to admit it is true).

Update type thing?
I was really sick all day yesterday. Slept away most of the day and wish that I had been able to stay awake.  These dreams I have been having make no sense. I understand that dreams have this quality. These dreams just seem to be more than- nevermind. I am making no sense. None of this is real.

More ranting or something like that?
Anything I thought I saw in the dark never happened? The shapes that made the image of HIM were just parts of the dark room that my mind made sense of in the only way I thought to. I cannot believe the things my mind projects onto my environment when I have watched/read too many horror movies&shows/books&stories. I must not believe all that I see. Senses will fail you when you need them most..
Nothing is happening to me. Nothing will happen to me. I am perfectly fine. I am spilling my feelings to people who know nothing of who I am.. Maybe my next post should be an 'about me'. I should have started with that. I am so stupid. Goodbye my friends..
For now I am going to, rather, attempt to sleep. These nightmares WILL not torment me anymore. I will not let them. I am the master of myself. The voice inside that doubts me will back down and subside to nothingness. I just want to turn the lights on..


Wednesday, December 7, 2011


I've started finding and reading things other people have said about. . . certain topics.
I really don't think- This is not happening. I am not 'being watched' or 'followed'. I am stressed. I am sane?



Sunday, December 4, 2011


This weekend has been.. well, shit.
So much has happened in the past two days that I feel drained. I cannot carry on like this.. I need to get some sleep. Just a couple hours..........

Everytime I close myeyes I see that face. teh pale nothing that he watches with. Goddamnit I hate him so much i wanna--

I went into a gypsum mine with my geology class for extra credit n-shit. It was so dark-HE was everywhere. I saw his face that stupid fucking tie and everything! I doubt it was real I doubt so much of the past few days. am I dreaming right the fuck now? what the hell is going on? I'm tired and so that is how I shall place all of this.. i'm imagining all of this.. none of this is real.. but holy shit...

I need to sleep and become normal again.

Friday, December 2, 2011

pics from the park today.

while at the park today I found this. It is interesting and such so yeah.. here ya go:

yep, that's it for now.

hey look a video? omg! I did make one!

Sorry it took so long. My camera was acting really stupid.. And I'm not so good with some things. Actually I'm not good with any of the things.. =/ oh well.
Anyways, here is the link:  (video removed)
Yay for walking around the park!?! But seriously, I am a horrible cameraman and I HATE filming myself.. jsyk


Thursday, December 1, 2011

this, that, and wow this is stupid

I've probably left something out.. kinda rushing here. hope there are not too many mistakes...

Kayci's dream:
She was in a warehouse with other people her and a few others were dressed in white. There was a mob starting to form. Then they were at a dump. There was a huge screen TV and several glass coffins with cameras in them. She was put in one and then was taken to one of the piles of trash. The mob was growing violent and then they started burning the piles.  There was a d-bag guy with a blue dumb-ass looking hat. All of the other sacrificed people were resolved to be okay with all of that. They knew what they were dying for.. Kayci had no fucking idea. She freaked out and yelled. The mob watched all the people being burned on the big screen... Then she woke up.

My dream:
For some reason I was walking around a dump, covered in blood.  There were bodies everywhere and it was a pigsty. There was a lot of glass and something that looked like a big screen tv frame. The bodies were torn and there had obviously been fires going sometime in the last day or two. The smell of the decaying bodies was more than enough to cover most of that smell. There were piles that I located that were the sites of the burning trash smell. There was also a guy's head impaled upon a metal spike (he had a blue hat on). I feel like there were other people with me.. but I just cannot remember. It was weird: I felt like I was suppose to be looking for something. I felt like I was missing something- something really important. I woke up after a bit more searching. I went all the way to the fence by the treeline before I realized it was a dream. I woke up.

Okay. So why the hell am I bringing this up? Well..:
Those dreams.. we had those around the same time and we placed a few key details together and well.. It seems like I was there after she was sacrificed or something. Linked dreams.. fucked up little pieces of shit aren't they?
I had another dream a few days ago. Right before we went to the park that day and filmed all the dream link stuff. I know what happened in between our dreams. I am debating with myself-should I put this up? And yet maybe it is a key? or .. wow I'm so stupid. None of this is real. I can't believe I am doing this. Shit I have to go.... . ... .... . .-. .

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

*sigh* I am technologically disabled

So every editor I have tried has said there is something wrong with that file. Or it just quits working halfway through my editing. =/ It's starting to piss me off. Oh well. I shall just have to do a recap of what happened.

Actually wait. I had another idea. I may be able to just make it an audio file. Hopefully I won't screw it up.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

stupid video

the video will not be posted tonight
the file seems to have been corrupted somehow and I am too tired/busy to make it work right now. I will hopefully have some time Wednesday to work on whatever the hell the problem is. 

sorry =/

Monday, November 28, 2011


Just started cropping out the boring walking scenes from that video. A lamp turned on, and then it flickered for a minute. The dog started barking in the backyard just as this started.
lol creepy

update type thing

I will attempt to post the video tonight.. on tumblr, I think. Might post it to youtube, we'll see. I'll link it either way.
Since it is 30ish minutes I may try to cut it down a bit (some of it is just us walking along. don't worry I'll leave in all the good parts. and the comedy moments as well.)

Cya tonight,

Picture from a park I went to on the 25th. Love the purple spots =]

Friday, November 25, 2011


I'm still trying to decide if I want to post that video.
In the mean time.. Thanksgiving was pretty good. Being a vegetarian and all it was fun finding things to eat, but spending time with family was enjoyable. 
Hope things are going well for all of you reading this.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Shot a video with Kayci today. Some interesting things were talked about.. and well some of the footage was a bit funny. Maybe it was just the sunlight and my really crappy camera, but something was not quite right. I don't know if/when I'll post it..

Hopefully more later.

Monday, November 21, 2011


Just thought it was time for an update so..
Life has calmed down quite a bit, surprisingly. It's crunch time for classes and I am feeling calm and collected.
It has helped that I have been getting more sleep. No more of those messed up dreams to report. =]

That's all for now. If you have any questions or comments or whatever feel free to message me,

Saturday, November 19, 2011

It's been a few days...
time for an update on-ALL THE THINGS!

Quite honestly, nothing has really happened. I've had some dreams. They were the same as before.
Anyway off to balance 5 red books on my head.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

the dream from last night

I am going to brainstorm where this dream may have originated from before I type it out.
Yesterday I took a 30min walk in the park on my way home from school like I do a lot of days. It was overcast with dark grey clouds. Part of the path was closed off for something and there was a white truck driving around on one of the trails. <-- I think it was people cleaning up fallen trees and such for it was the same path that Kayci and I walked on and there was a lot of debris..  I kept hearing a strange noise that I can think of no words to describe other than haunting and soothing. Possibly static... My voice was kind of static during one part of the video I shot, my camera must be dying from being so old.. It started to rain and I headed for my car.

I was talking to someone that I didn't recognize at first. They seemed really familiar, but I could not place the shadowy face. We talked about the woods and how it was a peaceful place to go to clear your head. And we also talked about...something else, it was important but I just cannot remember right now.=/
We were walking down a street when we got to a white 2story house. The person stopped and turned to me. She said,"I have some business to attend to now." This raised a red flag for some reason and I asked her what she had to do.
She laughed a little," I am here to give the target an ultimatum. Their choice will provide their fate."
I watched as she went up to the door and knocked. A man in his late 20's answered with, "I will not have this bullshit forced-" he was interrupted by the girl blowing his brains out with a shotgun to the face. She went into the house and I heard a woman scream followed by a ka-boom of the house exploding.
"What are you looking for?" The woman was standing next to me. She grabbed my arm and we continued our walk. Nothing was said until we ended up at a familiar house and stopped.
"Why are we here?" I asked. She shook her head.
We were at my friends house. She said something about assassination and mumbled something about my not listening to the warning signs.
She was aiming at my friend when I ran over and tackled her. The gun was fired at the same time.
There was screaming and confusion. My friend had not been shot, but her dad had been.
I ran. The woman started to chase me, "You forgot something!"
I stopped. She handed me a knife.  "That's not mine"
"It is now." I kept running. She followed asking where I was going. I lied and said I had to charge my phone. She kept running with me. I said that she didn't need to come with me, but she insisted on staying with me until I got home.
We ran through a school. The woman was no longer with me. A different person was following me through the halls. They stopped to talk to a person something about 'call this in. we need to catch---essential for---'
An alarm went off. Very loud and it seemed like I was the only one who could hear it.
Over the speaker system "she must be obtained. Get everyone on this now."
Another voice yelled, "Don't worry about ________________, HE'S got that covered."

Then my phone woke me up.  This is all that I can remember for now. And it is put together poorly so I am sorry for that.

I've been thinking about this all morning. And I have started to write a reflection on this dream...
"Dream Reflection 11-15-2011
I woke up with my heart pounding.
That person that was with me-I think it was me.. but how could that be? Yeah, I know it was a dream. Weird shit can happen in dreams, but usually mine have some kind of meaning to the madness. It's probably nothing, but I just can't shake the feeling that these dreams I've been having are important. Like I'm trying to make myself realize something. What is it? Hopefully things will fall into place soon."



Since the dream I had last night seems to go with the one that I have not wanted to post...
I feel as if I need to post about it now.

I was walking around on park trails. I kept hearing "..kill everyone(everything), anyone(anything).." I was walking faster, attempting to get to my car before anything happened.
HE appeared in front of me and I lost control of my movements. HE spoke to me ~kill. murder. maim. rip. tear. shred. MAKE THEM ALL BLEED.~ I had a knife in my hands that was not there a second before.
I was running through the forest slicing everything in my path. I cut so many down.. and their eyes- I could see the pained and tortured glares they gave me as I slit their throats.. but I couldn't stop. HE wouldn't let me.
Such sharp and mangled tones of HIS laughter... It was terrifying.
After I killed and cut up the animals, HE  had me put some in bags, some impaled on the trees, and some with their heads impaled upon 4 foot pikes in the ground.

I woke myself up somehow... I am so appalled by this dream. I don't know why I had it or what any of it could mean.. for now, I wish for peaceful slumber.

I'll post last night's dream a bit later. I'm meeting with Kayci for lunch now (not that I'm hungry after remembering that.)

Sunday, November 13, 2011


I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I just can't-
I won't. Not tonight. Not after-

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Post two...

I have been told by a friend that posting about the dream I had may help me "get over it" somehow...
I don't really want to type it out... but I suppose it is worth a shot.

I had several dreams that night. The first was pretty bad. It was the same as when I wrote about it on the 2nd.
HE was in my house with two other people I didn't recognize. The others grabbed me and held me still as HE picked off my family one by one.. It was something that will not leave my memory for a long time [if ever]. The first one was simply strangled by HIS tentacle-like appendages. I screamed. HE squeezed one of them until their head popped off. so much blood. so little- I was screaming for HIM to stop I started to cry. I wanted for HIM to- HE grabbed another screaming victim. HE tore the limbs off of this one. gushing and screaming [mine and theirs]. the legs then the arms leaving the head so the screams could be heard. HE enjoyed making me watch my loved ones die. And the two others... they laughed at my pain. mechanical and isolated sounds. I cried and HE came closer. HE was trying to tell me something but I was losing all of my senses...    I woke up.
Then I had a dream of HIM and two others [perhaps the same, but this time they were dressed the same as HIM]. "WATCHING. WAITING. C(X)ME H(X)ME."   I woke up again, just to fall right back asleep.
This dream.... I don't want to write out... This is the one that is bothering me the most right now.... I am going to wait till the morning to write this one... sorry, I just can't right now.
My final dream for the night was the dream I had on Nov.4. I was in the woods, walking along a familiar path. HE appeared next to me and put out his hand. I ran for a long time, HE followed, each time I looked back he was closer.. And then I stopped. I was sick of running from HIM. I yelled at HIM and HE seemed to understand what I was saying. HE reached HIS hand towards me again. Every part of me screamed run, but I was tired of running and HIS presence was so soothing and I was tired of trying to escape.
I took HIS outstretched hand.  I woke up shaking with a cold sweat.

I wish I would have just stayed awake after that first dream... I will type out the third dream tomorrow.

A couple updates in a few posts.. like two?

So I had to take a make up test on Thursday afternoon... my original score on that test was absolutely terrible. Hopefully I did better this time =]
School is hectic and killing my sleep. I must get all the things done!! xD

No one has admitted to writing the note from my car still. People are silly.
And hopefully on an unrelated note.. Kayci got a note on her car this week as well. She said it had to be decoded and that I should quit the shenanigans because the note is "not scaring" her. I never wrote her a note. She didn't believe me when I told her I didn't write it.


Friday, November 11, 2011


Talked to my friends, all of them deny writing that note. I think someone is full of lies..
In other news... The weather here is suckish. At least the wind has calmed down a bit.
~scratch that just picked up again..  =p
I have a headache so I'm gonna go take some meds. More later =]

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

So the translation of that note...

Someone translated the note from my tumblr..
"We are watching We are waiting It is time for you to COME HOME"

What the hell is that suppose to mean?
My friends have some explaining to do...

More later

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


I just walked out to move my car to a different parking lot and I found a note on it... That's weird.
I'll have to translate it to know what it says. (I assume the rain smeared it a bit as well =/ this should be fun)
I bet it was my silly friends being silly =P 

Write more soon

Sorry for the late update..

School has been kicking my ass lately. I am stressing out so much about my classes...
Anyway I've had that same dream a  lot lately. Sometimes I will have a happy dream right after it but most times that one just plays over and over in my head. It is starting to get annoying.
And since I have been getting more homework and have increased the time I am studying... well let's just say sleep is not high on my priority list. =/ And it is starting to show. (this is my apology for not making sense and spelling errors.)
Other than that. Walked in the woods a few times. It's just so peaceful out at that park, and time seems to slip away. I spent two hours there after school on Friday.
**on an unrelated note: does anyone have walking dreams? I guess that needs some clarification..?  While you are walking around during the day (anywhere) do you have dreams that take over your vision, but you don't stop walking? Comments would be appreciated =]
Umm.. other than that, not a lot has happened. Posted some pictures to tumblr and such :3 fun-fun

Have a good day/night/afternoon/whatever! =]

Saturday, November 5, 2011


It's been posted. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

I should really stop watching scary things now?

Friday, November 4, 2011

I will post the picture I drew of my dream a bit later for my camera is being silly. I may post it to tumblr (  ) so there is the link just in case.
As for now, just finished watching Hot Fuzz: freaking awesome! =]
I am now going to watch something else... what to watch? I've decided on Shaun of the Dead.

I'll post something later

What's going on...

I was happily coloring on myself yesterday and then I went to sleep. I woke up with more drawn on me than I remember. Maybe it was because I was tired and just don't remember...

I went to sleep at like 2am. I woke up an hour later with the words "Come Home" drawn onto my arm right along with the other part of my drawing.. (maybe I'll post photos of before I went to sleep and after I woke up)
After that I couldn't sleep (the dream had a lot to do with that too.. I made a drawing of it. (maybe I shall post that too..) but I just couldn't go back to sleep. So I worked out in my basement gym-type-thing until I had to get ready for class.

Hopefully things will make sense soon

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

what in the world am I writing? -no ideas for a good title

It's 11:11 pm right now and my only wish is for peace in my mind tonight. I don't want to see the horrible images that have been flashing before my eyes for quite a while. I want the nightmares to go away.. It's hard to watch the people you care so deeply about-- (I really don't want to finish that, but I will anyway. Maybe it will help somehow?)-- die in such horrible ways. Ripped apart, strangled, crushed... Maybe I can bring myself to write the dream out sometime later (remind me for I may 'forget').
What makes it worse is that I can't make myself wake up from these nightmares, so I have to 'watch' it in its entirety each night. I hate it and.. I am starting to hate myself for dreaming it every night. . .

What's wrong with me?


...I must have been dreaming

I woke up a bit ago(only after just falling asleep) to a really weird sound in my room. I can't quite describe it, but I have never heard anything like it. This lack of sleep must really be messing with my brain huh?

So I figured I would type an update for my blog =]

School is still stressful. Life is still stressful. But I seem to be feeling better and I am most certainly less confused about everything.. I have decided to stick with my current major (geology) for the time being and investigate a potential second/replacement major (History, Philosophy, Archaeology, Film and Video, or Psychology). Since I rather enjoy all of those, I feel as if I will be having lots of fun this winter semester. 
I am open to suggestions for some subject to try out as well =]

I shall try to go back to sleep now,

Sunday, October 30, 2011


I've been working on school work and well life's BS in general the past few days, so sorry for not posting. =[

The nightmare I mentioned before.. I keep having it. Don't really want to go into details, but too much more of this and I feel as if I may go crazy [from lack of sleep or something..]

Ummm as for Kayci... we are hopefully hanging out again today. I expect it to be a super fun adventure..
~even with this lack of sleep. =]

more updates later?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

So much better than those other posts:D

Kayci here! Feeshie left the room for a sec so I thought I'd quick say hi. We had fun working out....most of it was us just kidding around but at least we're trying lol weight lifting was enjoyable. Then we pretended to fight- I was taught how to properly punch haha- then we had a small dance party! All in all a good night. The best part is the after workout food! lmao (for the record it was healthy-fruit and BAGELS!!!)

Talk to you guys later,

because I can =]

I just made a twitter account for Kayci and myself.  (Black0uTheStars)
We hope to be posting silly things on there and a youtube we have yet to get rolling.

Here's to a good day with Kayci. =]

Well my laptop is about to die.. and being the smart person I am, I forgot the plug-me-in cable at home..
I'll update more later,

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


I'm sitting in class atm.. obviously unable to focus lol
I got like 6-7 hours of sleep last night, but I am exhausted. I think it was the dream I was unable to wake up from... Not fun. Might write about it later if I can't get it out of my head by then..

until I write again,

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Makes me think..

This stupid headache... god I swear I hear music- techno music- somewhere in my house. I have looked around but have come to the conclusion it is all in my head.
I suppose it is rather entertaining. Like having a dance party or some cool shit like that.

I assume it's the stress from the classes I am taking now. I blame them for lots of things going on in my life; the headaches (and hearing music.. which just stopped), this pain I've had in my chest for a week and a half now (I have seen a doctor about it jsyk.. whoever you may be), and for making me hate life right now.

[And now for something completely different..]
It's so beautiful outside. It was kinda stormy this afternoon, but with patches of blue sky.  I wish I had my camera with me, I could have gotten some cool pictures. =]

I guess it is good-bye for now!

Pretty pictures

Just wanted to share some pictures I took. Hope you enjoy them!

I made me do it..

Ever go into a daze in class and then snap out of it to find silly faces and other things/ doodles drawn on the page you were taking notes with? So do I but..
Today I did this. 

I guess it is time to cut down on the slenderman stuff. =P

Until next time,